Being Your Own Best Friend When Trying to Conceive
Trying to conceive (TTC) is a journey filled with emotions, from excitement and anticipation to frustration and worry. It can feel like you’re navigating a rollercoaster of hope and disappointment. Amid this whirlwind, one thing often gets overlooked: the importance of being kind to yourself.
When you’re trying to conceive, being your own best friend isn’t just a nice idea—it’s essential. Here’s how you can practice self-compassion, manage stress, and nurture your mind and body while on this life-changing journey.
Why Self-Compassion Matters During TTC
Let’s face it: the TTC journey can be emotionally draining. From tracking ovulation to enduring the infamous two-week wait, it’s easy to become your own worst critic. You might find yourself analyzing every detail or feeling like you’re falling short. But here’s the thing: self-compassion can make a huge difference.
Research shows that stress and negative self-talk can affect your mental health and even your physical well-being. While self-compassion won’t guarantee a faster pregnancy, it can help you stay resilient and positive through the ups and downs.
1. Redefine What Success Looks Like
It’s easy to feel like every cycle that doesn’t result in a pregnancy is a failure. But TTC isn’t a pass/fail test—it’s a process. Redefining success can help you shift your mindset from frustration to empowerment.
• Celebrate Small Wins: Did you track your ovulation? Did you prioritize your health? These are victories worth celebrating.
• Acknowledge Your Effort: Trying to conceive often means changing routines, diets, or habits. Recognize and applaud the effort you’re putting in.
Pro Tip: Keep a journal to record positive milestones during your TTC journey. Reflecting on these moments can remind you of your progress.
2. Set Boundaries Around Advice and Opinions
When you’re trying to conceive, it feels like everyone has an opinion or a story to share. While some advice can be helpful, unsolicited comments can be overwhelming or even hurtful.
• Limit Conversations: It’s okay to tell people you’d prefer not to discuss your TTC journey.
• Curate Your Environment: Follow supportive, uplifting social media accounts and unfollow anyone whose content adds stress.
• Stick to Trusted Sources: Rely on your healthcare provider for accurate information instead of getting lost in internet rabbit holes.
Pro Tip: Practice a polite but firm response for unwanted advice, like, “Thank you for your concern, but we’re focusing on what works for us right now.”
3. Create a Supportive Routine
Establishing a nurturing daily routine can help you stay grounded and focused. Think of your routine as a way to show up for yourself, like a best friend would.
• Morning Mindset: Start your day with a calming ritual, like a short meditation, a gratitude practice, or even just a moment of quiet with your favorite tea.
• Physical Movement: Gentle exercises like yoga, walking, or swimming can help reduce stress and boost your mood.
• Evening Wind-Down: Limit screen time before bed and create a relaxing bedtime routine to improve sleep quality.
Pro Tip: Treat your routine like a gift to yourself, not a chore. It’s a way to prioritize your well-being, no matter the outcome of your TTC journey.
4. Be Honest About Your Emotions
Trying to conceive can stir up a range of emotions—hope, fear, excitement, and disappointment. Suppressing these feelings can make them harder to manage. Instead, acknowledge and validate your emotions, just as you would for a close friend.
• Name It to Tame It: When you’re feeling overwhelmed, try naming your emotion out loud or writing it down. This simple act can help you process it more effectively.
• Talk It Out: Share your feelings with a trusted partner, friend, or therapist. Sometimes, just saying things out loud can provide relief.
• Allow Yourself to Grieve: If a cycle doesn’t work out, it’s okay to feel sad. Give yourself permission to process that grief without judgment.
Pro Tip: Remember that it’s okay to not be okay all the time. Allow yourself grace during tough moments.
5. Practice Positive Self-Talk
Your inner dialogue plays a big role in how you handle the TTC journey. If you catch yourself spiraling into self-criticism, try flipping the script.
• Replace “What’s Wrong With Me?” With “I’m Doing My Best.”
• Replace “I’ll Never Get Pregnant” With “This Is a Journey, and I’m Taking It Step by Step.”
Pro Tip: Write affirmations on sticky notes and place them where you’ll see them daily—on your bathroom mirror, fridge, or desk.
6. Focus on What You Can Control
The TTC process comes with so many uncertainties, and it’s easy to fixate on what you can’t control. Instead, channel your energy into what you can influence.
• Your Health: Focus on nourishing your body with wholesome foods, staying active, and managing stress.
• Your Mindset: Cultivate a positive outlook through mindfulness or gratitude practices.
• Your Environment: Create a calming, supportive space that helps you feel at ease.
Pro Tip: Letting go of what’s out of your hands can feel freeing. Remember, you’re doing everything you can, and that’s enough.
7. Treat Yourself Like a Best Friend
If your best friend came to you feeling stressed about TTC, how would you respond? Chances are, you’d offer kindness, reassurance, and support. You deserve the same from yourself.
• Be Your Cheerleader: Celebrate your efforts and remind yourself that you’re strong and capable.
• Pamper Yourself: Treat yourself to little moments of joy, like a bubble bath, a good book, or a coffee date with yourself.
• Set Realistic Expectations: Just as you wouldn’t expect perfection from a friend, don’t expect it from yourself.
Pro Tip: Write yourself a letter as if you were writing to a friend. Include words of encouragement and compassion for the journey you’re on.
8. Build a TTC Support System
While being your own best friend is crucial, having a community of support can make the journey feel less isolating.
• Join Online Communities: TTC forums and social media groups can connect you with others who understand what you’re going through.
• Consider Counseling: A therapist or counselor can provide valuable tools to navigate the emotional challenges of TTC.
• Involve Your Partner: Share your thoughts and feelings with your partner, and work together as a team.
Pro Tip: Surround yourself with people who lift you up, and don’t hesitate to distance yourself from negativity.
9. Celebrate Your Strength
Trying to conceive is a testament to your resilience and determination. Every step you take—whether it’s tracking ovulation, attending doctor’s appointments, or simply staying hopeful—is a sign of your strength.
• Reflect on Your Journey: Take time to appreciate how far you’ve come, even if the road feels long.
• Reward Yourself: Celebrate milestones, like completing a round of treatment or simply making it through a tough week.
Pro Tip: Gratitude journaling can help you focus on the positives, even during challenging times.
Final Thoughts: Be Kind to Yourself
Trying to conceive is a deeply personal journey, and it’s one that requires patience, persistence, and most importantly, self-love. Being your own best friend means treating yourself with the same kindness, support, and encouragement you’d offer to someone you care about.
Remember, you’re not defined by the outcome of your TTC journey—you’re defined by your strength, compassion, and determination. So, take a deep breath, give yourself grace, and keep moving forward. You’ve got this!
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